W.C. Fields Quotations

• Never give a sucker an even break.
  
• Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.
  
• I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
  
• I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
  
• (singing) I'd rather have two girls at twenty-one each, than one girl at forty-two.
  
• Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch...
  
• If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.