Dueling Jokes... Pooch Dog Won!

Pooch Dog received very poor quality joke from daughter this morning. His majesty chastised daughter, showing her better form with a few jokes and comments. Said Pooch Gal responded, doing a little better with her followup jokes. Despite her efforts, the International Committee on Jokes Between Family Members ruled me the champion.
Pooch Dog

From:    Pooch Dog Daughter
to:            Pooch Dog
date:        Tue, Jan 27, 2009 at 11:05 AM
subject:    Redneck Sensitivity

Three Rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is DRT (Dead Right There).
As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, 'Well, damn, someone should go and tell his wife.' Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser. Ronnie says, 'Where did you get that beer, Donnie?' 'Cooter's wife gave it to me,' Ronnie replies. 'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?'
Well, not exactly', Donnie says, 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Cooter's widow".'She said, 'You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow.' Then I said 'I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.'

Rednecks Are Good AT That Sensitive Stuff!

Reply from: Pooch Dog to Pooch Dog Daughter

You and your brother have been telling some VERY bad jokes lately! Adding him should he want to apologize also...

Now, here are two that are worth their salt..

A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?" The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."

And...

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest b

aby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Or...

"How do you make a Nazi Cross? Tread on his corns".

(OK, that last one wasn't!)

Many don't know about the undercover joke warfare in WW II. It is documented here...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Funniest_Joke_in_the_World

Seems someone on the British side came up with a joke so funny that it killed whoever read it. They finally translated it into German, each translator responsible for only one word. (One translator accidentally saw two words, and was hospitalized.) It killed thousand

s of Germans before the war was over. In retaliation, the Germans soon formulate a counter-joke, which is translated into English and played over the radio to London, but with no success. The joke is:

"There were zwei [two] peanuts walking down der Strasse [street]. Und one was assaulted (a salted)... peanut!")

It went no where!

Now! Do better than that...
A disappointed father in Texas

From Pooch Dog Daughter to Pooch Dog

I am sorry I can’t counter with any “bad” jokes but I do have some very GOOD ones for you…even some good ol’ classy, non-fiction insults…

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
“George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." --Winston Churchill, in response - "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

Spanish for the day – Words used in sentences

Texas: My fren always Texas me when I'm not home wondering where I'm at!

Herpes: Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got my piece and she got herpes.

Rectum: I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!

Harassment: My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her, honey, harassment nothing to me.
Bishop: My wife fell down the stairs, so I had to pick the bishop.

Why boys need parents...  (See picture.)



Things you’ll find out having sons…

• If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
• If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
• When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.
• A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
• The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.